WOMEN ARE GODDESSES, BUT ONLY IF THEY BELIEVE THEY ARE.

I recently saw a picture of Naomi Wolff’s latest book.  It was of a naked woman with a flower on front of her.  It was a beautiful picture and it made me realise how beautiful women are, fragile but strong, amazingly resilient, men and their dangly bits really cannot compare!.

I thought of the two teen girls I am raising and how I hoped they would love and respect themselves, enjoy their lives to the full and have wonderful experiences and relationships, love themselves body, mind and soul and I realised if I wanted that for them I really should want that for me, we all lead by example. I have told them that not loving themselves is a waste of time and energy and they should devote that energy into love and admiration of themselves and their efforts instead. My apprentice goddesses.  Rich coming from me, I know, somebody who grew up with incredible low self-esteem, somebody whose default setting was always self-hatred, somebody who has had to work very hard at liking and loving myself, but I have and I am.

Incredibly, along this very rocky path of life and coming from an extremely misogynistic background, I had wonderful relationships with men. Men became my friends, the brothers and father I never had, and my confidants.  I was still insecure in relationships, but somehow I always had the upper hand, I was the one in control. I never allowed myself to be treated badly and men were never quite sure where they stood with me.  I realise now that was no harm and it’s a good idea to keep men on their toes a little, it is better that they do not get complacent.  I still call John “my current husband”!!  I ended all my serious relationships.

I have been talking to some women lately in relationships and have been quite shocked by what I’m hearing.  The whole notion of casual relationships is a myth.  What is a casual relationship?  Surely, it is when both parties agree that they are coming from the same vantage point, that they both require nothing from the relationship but the odd outing and meaningless sex.  When does this happen to both people at the same time?  In my opinion,  never.  So, Im seeing a lot of women being available to men on their terms, being at their beck and call and convincing themselves that this is what they want, they are cool and exciting and mature, really? There is nothing mature or interesting about being treated badly by another human being, nothing exciting about being the one who is sitting in waiting for the phone call.  And if your idea of a relationship is a guy dropping into you at 12 o’clock on the way home from the pub, you should probably rethink it.  Romance and sexual tension are important to a relationship, a night of talking and flirting and sharing and the wonder of being together and taking joy in each other’s company.  Technology has not helped, texting, chatting on facebook, emailing etc.  When I was last dating, there was only one device, the family phone, a guy had to ring that and risk talking to a member of your family before getting to you.  It took effort and courage.

The rule of thumb should be if it is not good enough for your daughter/sister etc. it is not good enough for you, it’s as simple as that and yes a policy of zero tolerance should be strictly adhered to.  I’m tired of women analysing men, reading between the lines, wondering what he really means. Don’t bother, men are natural hunters, when they want you, they will let you know.  And if they cannot be succinct and concise and comprehensible, really don’t waste your time wondering what they want.  I read an article lately about how teen girls were being put under pressure because boys now did not want standard sex.  Really, they were more than happy to have standard sex or anything resembling intimacy years ago, in fact, boys really did not expect you to have sex with them unless you were in a very serious relationship.  I now look at girls and boys going to discos and the boys are dressed in regular clothes and many of the teen girls are dressed like hookers.  I have discussed this with my daughters and said it is very sad that girls feel they have to display themselves like this in order to get a man.  Thankfully, the girls don’t dress like this, but I have checked their clothes before they go to discos and they know it would not be acceptable to me.  However, I have heard of loads of girls who leave the family home in nice clothes and change at a friend’s house.

The girls have often told me that their dad adores me.  I like the fact that they see that.  I really do think its very positive for them and I have told them life is too short to be with someone who does not adore you.  That’s it in a nutshell really.  Anything less is just not worth it, because you only end up hating yourself and making excuses for your partner.  I’ve seen it time and time again.  Is it really worth all that grief just to have a man in your life?.  So ladies, please love yourselves body, mind and soul. Don’t mind people who tell you it does not matter what you look like and weight etc does not matter, they are usually a size 6, the same way rich people will tell you money does not matter.  Don’t listen to what people say, watch how they live, that is the real key into people. Ten years ago, I was 2 and a half stone heavier than I am now and I felt awful.  I still want to lose another stone and it aint going to be easy because I have to fight for every pound, but I will do it.  Do whatever it takes to boost your confidence and make you feel better about yourself.  Its not about being someone else but being the best version of yourself you possibly can be, enhancing and nurturing your natural qualities,  so if your inner goddess can be uplifted by some external refurbishment, go for it. The way you feel about yourself is mirrored in how other people view you.  If you want to be loved and adored and valued, start by applying these values to yourself.  Its not easy, but nothing less than adoration is worth aiming for. Reveal the goddess within. And if you are in a relationship where you are not being appreciated, dump him/her, its simply not good enough.  Be the woman you want to be, be strong, be exciting, be interesting and never be too available. After all, goddesses should have an aura of mystery about them. Enjoy.